Step 1: Cool Off
Resolving conflicts is difficult if both people or parties have hot emotions. Take a step back and cool down by taking a deep breath. Gain some distance before trying to talk things out. Think of a couple of things that make you feel better and then you are ready for the next step.
Step 2: Tell What is Bothering You
Start out the sentence by saying "I", this way you don't seem like you are attacking or blaming the other person. By starting of the sentence with "you" closes the door on communication and puts others on the defensive.
Step 3: Restate the Problem
Reflective listening demonstrates that we care enough to hear the other person out, rather than just focusing on our own point of view. It actually fosters empathy.
Step 4: Take Responsibility
When we take responsibility we shift the conflict into an entirely different gear, one where resolution is possible. By taking responsibility, the other person is more willing to come to a resolution.
Step 5: Brainstorm Solutions
Brainstorm a solution that satisfies both people.
Step 6: Forgive and Thank
A handshake, hug, or kind word gives closure to the resolution of conflicts. Forgiveness is the highest form of closure. Just saying thank you at the end of a conflict, or acknowledging the person for working things out sends a message of conciliation and gratitude.
These 6 steps I believe can help resolve conflicts. This method can, in my opinion, work to help resolve conflicts and help us learn peace.
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This was the same method I found. I really liked this method because it is much more specific than some of the other methods. Most of the other methods didn't even have a "cool off" step, which I found to be one of the most important steps! It's simply impossible to solve a conflict when emotions are involved.
ReplyDeleteNice blog Wags.
I wish kevin hadnt already posted cause now it seems like im just copying him but i was gonna say that you two had the same process, and that i also really liked this method. My favorite step is brainstorming solutions. I like it because while you are trying to solve the problem and thinking your are most likely relaxing alittle which will take away some stress maybe. Good blog pants.
ReplyDeleteLance, I agree a lot with Step 4, if responsibility is claimed, then a negotiation is possible. Without responsibility where would we be? Nice Blog!
ReplyDeleteReflective listening is a valuable tool in communication!! However, too few people actually know how to do it well, or at all! For an excellent resource, check out my recently-released book that describes the step-by-step process of becoming a reflective listener! It's called "Please Listen to Me!" and can be found at amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and many other online stores. ~ Dick Fetzer
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kevin that cooling off is very important in resolving conflicts. You really can't get anywhere if you're still flustered. (I don't mean to sound repetitive) Anyway, one thing I didn't mention in Kevin's blog was that restating the problem back to the other person allows him/her know that you are listening to that person. That definitely helps things run smoother. I would have to say that this is probably my favorite conflict resolution technique!
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought that reading so many articles on this process was annoying, but now I have realized that since it is referred to so often it must be helpful. Also, reading over this article again made the steps really sink in. After reading about this method for the first time I found it very helpful, but the order in which the steps were listed was not really stuck in my head. Now after re-reading this process, I know when it is my turn to speak up and when it is my turn to just sit and be quiet. I also really enjoy the last step, because although it may not seem like a big deal, hugs and kind words are great ways of breaking the ice.
ReplyDeleteLANCE!!! your 6 steps seem like a good way to cool off and remain peacful
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